The Elvira 1986 Halloween MTV Special-The Music Video Review Edition-Part One

Halloween has always been my Christmas. That’s not to knock winter holiday celebrations of any stripe, whether you are celebrating the birth of Jesus, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, or simply, the great cult of Claus. But Halloween has always resonated the strongest with me. The combination of plastic skeletons, cheap costumes, free candy, and the overall haunting ambiance of the latter Autumnal days was and will always be a lethal combination for me. The sight of jack-o-lanterns still sends me into a schoolgirl like place of giddiness. (Not to mention my husband and I got engaged around Halloween.)

As a wee one, I also had an instant love of all things horror and camp. Together or separate, I love it all. So it was a natural thing for me to immediately glom on to the Mistress of the Dark herself, Elvira. Gorgeous, vampy, and a total smartass, she had all the marks of an early role model for little me. (Right along with David Lee Roth and Booger from “Revenge of the Nerds.” Yes, I was a weird little kid.) Truth is, I still love Elvira. In fact she practically looks the same now as she did when she hosted MTV’s three-hour plus Halloween special back in 1986.

Yes children, there was a time when MTV actually played music videos. I’m sure there is a generation of kids now that probably think that is a myth, but yes there was a time when instead of fake reality shows featuring the blandest rich white people this side of Gwyneth Paltrow, they showed musicians showcasing their sonic wares in a visual format.

Now one of the things people tend to gloss over about “the golden age” of MTV is that even when it was good, it was never that great. It was more often than not a sea of mediocre to decent videos by artists like Huey Lewis and the News, Lioneld Richie, Michael Jackson, Bon Jovi, Madonna, and the rest of their ilk being put on an endless loop. Every so often you got to see something legitimately good but it was like mining for diamonds. To this day, I still get twitchy when I hear the opening strains of Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” because they played it so frigging much. And I love Peter Gabriel! Don’t even get me started on Phil Collins.

Anyways, I digress. When I get my mitts on this special recently, I had no idea what the video selection would be. I knew I could count on the interstitial bits with Elvira being cute and funny, so there was at least that. But MTV’s play list was always a crapshoot, so I had no real idea of what I would be in for. My fears of a crappy music video fest were quickly put to rest by the surprisingly diverse mix of videos. Well for the most part. Let’s examine this, shall we?

Siouxsie & the Volcano-An Image from "Cities in Dust"

The proceedings immediately bode well, as they begin with Siouxsie & the Banshees “Cities in Dust.” From their excellent album “Tinderbox,” the song itself is about destruction of Pompeii from the volcano Mount Vesuvius. The video mirrors this in a very dark but lovely way, thanks to director Tim Pope, whom fittingly directed a good chunk of the Cure’s videography. Oddly enough this song was the first single of theirs to be released in the US. It’s a beautiful video for a haunting song.

Lost son of Lux Interior and David Bowie? No, it's just Peter Murphy from Bauhaus!

Speaking of now legendary post-punk bands, things go from good to great with Bauhaus’s “Bela Lugosi’s Dead.” I love Bauhaus the way other people love their kids. Along with the Cramps, The Damned, Wall of Voodoo, and Blue Oyster Cult, Bauhaus has always been a band that I can listen to any time of the day and never ever tire of. Like the perfect meal, they always hit the right spot. “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” is now considered a Goth rock classic and for good reason. It is a cacophony of mood, rock, and guignol ambiance that results in the best kind of epic. Unfortunately we don’t get the full 9-minute track, but instead a severely truncated version featuring footage from the Tony Scott vampire film The Hunger. So you get plenty of Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie, a young Ann Magnuson as a red haired punkette, and singer Peter Murphy looking like the offspring of Lux Interior by way of Hammer Horror. (In other words, awesome!) Hearing this song cut up like this does not come even close to satiating the average Bauhaus fan but it should be enough of a taster for the uninitiated.

Ghoul in waiting

Didn’t think this could kick any more ass? Then you would be wrong because after that we get The Damned with “Plan 9, Channel 7.” This ode to Ed Wood’s cult classic Plan 9 from Outer Space and in particular, its eternally gorgeous star, Vampira, is one of the band’s best and still a fan favorite. The video is typical Damned, mixing cheeky humor and some seriously great music, though the sentiment is genuine. Parts of the video feature Vanian pining for a gorgeous Vampira-esque ghoul while the rest of the band ham it up, especially the impish Algy Ward and the ever-lovable Captain Sensible. It ends the way any great video should…. with equipment on fire and musicians going batshit. Eat that “Thriller!”

The greatest punk band ever-The Damned

Up next is a band that makes total sense for this sort of special, which is none other than Oingo Boingo with “Weird Science.” This song, as well as the movie with the same name, was huge at the time. It’s a cute movie but this song has frankly never done a whole lot for me. There are much worse songs from the time period but this is pretty weak for an incredible band like Oingo Boingo. I personally would have gone for “Nothing Bad Ever Happens to Me” which is an infinitely better song and a more typical Boingo-esque video featuring surrealist imagery, hula girls, skeletons getting stabbed, a head on a platter, and a little person dressed up as a baby. What’s cooler, that or a bunch of girls painted silver and Kelly LeBrock looking like a failed member of Expose? You be the judge.

Danny wishing he was in a better video

After that we get Ozzy Osbourne’s classic werewolf rocker, “Bark at the Moon.” The video is well made and we’re treated to a whole Jekyll/Hyde twist with Ozzy playing a Victorian mad scientist who has created a lycanthropic beast that may or may not be the man himself. There’s lot of great shots of the Ozzman hamming it up, horror movie style, which is perfect for the season. The song is the title track from Ozzy’s 1983 album, which was his first without later guitar maverick Randy Rhoads. Even though former Black Oak Arkansas and Thin Lizzy drummer Tommy Aldridge is on the studio version of this song, it’s ex-Vanilla Fudge and every other rock band in history drummer Carmine Appice in the video. (I would recognize that Guido-stache anywhere.)

Ladies and Gentlemen...the Guido-stache!

One of the cool things about this special is that there are a few artists here that don’t totally fit into the Halloween theme. Luis Cardenas’s “Runaway” is definitely one of them. Yes, it’s that “Runaway,” the Del Shannon hit. Cardenas has the distinction of being a drummer and a singer and was once a member of the rock band Renegade. The cover is decent enough, despite that tinny production quality that plagued a number of rock-pop artists. Now none of that is scary at all. Hell, the video is not scary either, but dammit, it has DINOSAURS. I’m talking big Claymation dinosaurs playing electric guitars and rocking out! No matter what your opinion is on this song, you should never deny the fact that dinosaurs are like ranch dressing…they make everything better.

Dinos rule!

While dinosaurs aren’t really scary, they are huge creatures with sharp teeth, so it sort of makes sense to have it here. However showing video for The Cure’s “In Between Days” doesn’t. Yes The Cure are considered to by some to be the ultimate Goth band, but they were not always on the dark side of that genre. Certainly not here, given the fact that this is one of band’s sunnier sounding songs. The only thing that makes it halfway Halloweenie is the part of the video where it looks like Robert Smith has Day-Glo eyes. Oooky spooky. It’s a stretch, though I love The Cure and Tim Pope’s stuff always looks good.

Liquid Sky-lite

Thankfully the next video is completely appropriate and is one of the best out of the whole special. Directed by Jon Poll, it’s “Hollywood Halloween” by Paul Broucek is a catchy tune with a weird, almost melancholy vibe. The video is comprised of Super 8 footage of a wild assortment of devilish and flat out weird characters in Hollywood on Halloween. (Fittingly enough.) This entry is unique due to the fact that this song, as far as I know, has never been released commercially. Broucek is a successful musician, but more in the field of Hollywood films, including The Golden Compass (2007) and A History of Violence (2005.) Jon Poll has also gone on to have some success in H-wood, doing editing work on Scary Movie 3 (2003) and co-producing Bruno (2009).

Yum!

In a cool twist, after that we have LA death rock band Kommunity FK’s “Something Inside of Me Has Died.” The video is gorgeous, at times looking like a European 20’s and 30’s film. If I knew nothing about the band, I would have guessed that they were from Europe. Whoever directed this video knew exactly what they were doing because this is beautifully made. The song itself at first seems like a decent gloomy dark-rock dirge, but it does grow on you. Good moody music created by some beautiful, china-doll like musicians.

Drama club gone rogue!

Patrick Mata, lead singer of Kommunity FK, who was a big influence on such artists like Perry Farrell.

Such a pretty video.

Speaking of awesomely made, atmospheric videos, we have Landscape’s “Norman Bates.” There was no other band really like Landscape at the time and this song is a good example of that. A band that has ties to such equally cool and diverse bands as Shock and Shriekback, it was a given that they were bound to stand out. The song is movie soundtrack worthy with a great video to match. There are some nice English twists to the Hitchcock classic, featuring a large stone estate and “mother” being the lead singer with a crocheted blanket around his face. The camera work is fab and the girl playing the Janet Leigh type role looks A LOT like the actress. To the point where at first I thought they had inserted clips from the movie into the video. A+ all the way.

Great shot from "Norman Bates."

Did I mention that Landscape did an album called “From the Tea-Rooms of Mars…to the Hell Holes of Uranus?” This band is officially badass.

Surrealism, ala Goude.

Continuing on in the vein of badass, we get “Slave to the Rhythm” by the one and only Grace Jones. This is one of the videos that doesn’t really fit into the whole Halloween theme but it is so compellingly strange and mind-blowing that it’s great to see regardless. Jones needs no introduction other than she is the living definition of an Amazonian Goddess that everyone should bow down to. All of the fantastic visuals are courtesy of Jean Paul Goude, who was Grace’s lover and creative collaborator for years. Interestingly enough, almost all of the clips are culled from Goude’s various commercial work in Europe. For you eagle eyed viewers out there, you will spot one of the dancers running around with a tray of Orangina bottles. Having had Orangina, I would be running the hell away from them. That drink is an assault to the fine reputation of Oranges.

Trust me, it's not as good as it looks.

There is nothing that can properly follow that up, but I will never turn down a little Iron Maiden, especially when it is “Wasted Years.” The song is great and one of my favorites by them, though it is too bad the video is nothing but still images edited together with some bland footage of the band hanging out and playing. Then again Maiden is one of those bands whose epic music rarely matched their music videos. The sole exception would be the clip for “Can I Play With Madness” featuring Graham Chapman trying not to play with madness. Too bad that came out around a year after this special aired.

Great band, boring video.

The disappointing video blues are soon saved by the highly underrated Lords of the New Church with “Dance with Me.” The combination of the Lords and visionary director Derek Jarman (Jubilee, The Tempest) proves to be an inspired one as we have key visual triggers (fire in various forms, innocence running and lost) and one sinister-sexual juju man in the form of the late, great Stiv Bators. The song is great too, with it being the classic Lords mix of crunch guitars with a post-punk flourish. For those of you not in the know, the Lords were a super group comprising of Stiv (the Dead Boys), Brian James (The Damned), Dave Tregunna (Sham 69) and Nicky Turner (The Barracudas). In short, the Lords of the New Church were a truly great band who never did a shitty song ever. We love the Lords.

Only Derek Jarman could provide such an image. He will be missed.

C'mere baby!

In the spirit of super groups, after that we get Strange Party with the catchy and funky “Imitators.” Now this is not scary, sinister, spooky, Halloweenie at all, save for a brief shot of someone with a knife, but it is a helluva lot of fun. Not to mention this was one of the few, if only times this bad boy ever got airplay on MTV. Strange Party was mix of who’s who’s in the NYC art/theater/music scene in the early 80’s The band was comprised of George Elliot, Page Wood, Joey Arias, Tony Frere, Ann Magnuson, just to name a few! The video is a wholly successful experiment with video editing and composition. More current video directors need to watch this and other early video and soak up the pioneering spirit. There are a few famous imitators with my personal faves being Joey Arias as a surprisingly sexy Dali and Magnuson as a beatific Gala. Maybe it’s because I am so used to seeing Arias in drag (he does a helluva Billie Holliday by the way), but he really rocks the handlebar mustache. Not since David Lochary has a man looked so handsome with such facial hair.

Joey Arias or Dali?

New wave shadows in "Imitators."

They can’t all be winners, so up next we have the Eurythmics and their song, “Missionary Man.” I have friends who may lynch my ass for this, but I think the Eurythmics are overall an overrated band. Sure they’ve had moments of brilliance and I don’t think anyone in their right mind can deny that Annie Lennox has a gorgeous voice. But for every great song there’s a spotty song right behind it, hence “Missionary Man.” It’s not even that sinister, save for maybe Dave Stewart handling a snake and the fact that it goes on too long. The video is well lit and creative enough but any visual coolness is muted by the blah-ness of the song. Annie looks great, but knowing what these two were capable of, this song is just more of miss than anything.

Cool visual, too bad the song is meh.

Now from the weak to the sublime, MTV atones for its sins and follows it up with The Hitmen’s atmospheric “Bates Motel.” If there was such a thing as getting a degree in music video making, it should be mandatory to watch this video. It would have been all too easy for the director to go with a cheesy Psycho rip-off, but instead you get a thoughtful and creepy video. There are plenty of Hitchcockian nods but they are all done tastefully and if anything add to the ambiance. The song is terrific too and the Hitmen in general were a very, very underrated band. (I highly recommend their album “Torn Together.”) Lead singer Ben Watkins is great here, aptly handling both singing and acting duties and looking genuinely menacing. The lyrics perfectly set the tone for the video. I’ll turn my home into Bates Motel, with the Watkins character coming across like a Norman Bates copycat, while the rest of the band watches a film that may or may not be a snuff film. Between that and such imagery of a droplet of red blood mixed in with the rain while he watches makes this all very heavy viewing. This is the real deal folks.

"Man after meat, out on the streets..." One of many effective shots in "Bates Motel."

Random trivia note, Watkins went on to form successful electronic band Juno Reactor, who are perhaps best known for being featured in the soundtrack for the Matrix films. Sadly Watkins has pretty much disowned his work with the Hitmen. Which is too bad because great work is great work and that band certainly achieved that. There should never be shame in good art.

Watkins looking very cool and sinister.

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After that is one of the best bands to have emerged from the Los Angeles 70’s punk scene with X’s “Because I Do.” The video is great with Exene looking especially lovely while grieving, pining, and plotting the fate of her next lover. Shot in black and white, it’s a gorgeous video that looks like a cross between Maya Deren and Man Ray. Plus the song is classic X, so this cannot be beat!

Exene Cervenka=Goddess

It’s hard to follow that double whammy up and while Madness is hardly spooky, they are always fun, so it is hard to complain. “House of Fun” does have a carnival type feel musically, which the video reflects with the lads being wonderfully ridiculous and doing dance moves that I sadly busted out way too many times in my wee years. (Now THAT is spooky.) Oddly enough, the song is actually about a young man dealing with getting over his own fears over trying to buy his first pack of condoms at a drug store.

Who would not want to hang out with this band?

The goodwill gets even better when after that we get The Ramones with “Psychotherapy.” Directed by Francis Delia (aka F.X. Pope when working on such fringe film classics like Nightdreams), who had directed Wall of Voodoo’s “Mexican Radio” three years prior to this special, does a predictably awesome job here featuring the band playing a bunch of inmates in an insane asylum. In addition the cast of the characters around them, which includes a blonde elf child-woman, a python, and one cute punkette that looks like Gia Carangi’s cousin. But the big highlight is Dennis Edwards (who was also in the Delia produced, Stephen Sayadian directed Café Flesh) as a troubled young man whom after going through ice baths and shock treatment, has a creature burst out of his head?!? Unfortunately, the monster money shot is trimmed thanks to the censors at MTV. (Notice they didn’t roll this bad boy out a couple of years ago when MTV2 did their ‘Most Controversial Videos of all Time” special.)

Hey wait a minute...that's not Elvis Costello! A great zombie shrink from "Psychotherapy."

Up next we get the video classic “White Wedding” by the man, Billy Idol. Yes MTV did play this to death back in the day, but for once it was a video that was genuinely good. The video was directed by the very capable of David Mallet, who also worked with such legends as David Bowie (including the incredible video for “Look Back in Anger”), Queen, Blondie, and Joan Jett. Tonally this is a dark video playing up the domestic image of the bride right next to gothic cynicism. I think everyone and their mother by now should know about Idol, so let me focus on the fabulous Perri Lister playing the lead female here. Lister, in addition to being Idol’s non-legal wife for 9 years, was also in the banned by MTV video for Duran Duran’s “The Chauffeur” and was a part of the excellent synth pop band Visage. So give some props to Perri because she’s awesome.

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Finishing up part one, we end on a ghastly high note with Bauhaus’s “Mask.” The fact that MTV ever played this video is a near miracle. Not because it is terrible or anything. In fact, it’s incredible, but this is probably one of the most disturbing videos that ever graced their airwaves. (Not counting the entire Loverboy oeuvre.) Keep in mind that this is the same channel that banned the video for Blue Oyster Cult’s “Joan Crawford.” (Which is definitely worth looking up, by the way.) The song itself is one of the band’s more abstract and haunting tunes, which for Bauhaus is saying a lot. Filled with loads of shadowy and surreal imagery, particularly involving Peter Murphy as a dust covered corpse that rises up towards this end, you will not forget this video anytime soon. Unlike the clip for “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” shown near the beginning of the special, we get to see lots of the other band members here, including drummer Kevin Haskins as a ghoul and Daniel Ash looking like some kind of sickly tribal revenant. This is the stuff great nightmares are made of.

The Shadow is Cast-Peter Murphy in "Mask."

All in all, this is a very fine first half for a music video oriented Halloween special. Who knew that MTV had it in them? Will the final two hours continue to bring on the spooky music video goodness or will it fall prey to the great monster of suckage? Stay tuned for Part Two and find out!

Back from Beyond!

It has been ages since I have updated this space. (A month and a half, give or take a few days.) Life caught up with me, though included in that are some very cool creative things that I'll be writing about at a later date. Until, then I'm currently cooking up a very cool two-part entry, so keep your peepers open for that round of goodness.

Until then, enjoy these hints!

Simian Madness! A Review of The Bloody Ape

One of the things I love about cinema is the potential for surprise. We live, like it or not, in a culture that is all about black or white. The big fallacy with this is that you end up missing the gray area, which is the richest field of all. Before you start thinking I’m crazy and going all film wanker on you, let me use an example. Scare Their Pants Off. Yes it’s a fun if silly title to a mid 60’s sexploitation film from NYC. Naturally, there are a lot of people who would write if off right then and there as nothing but a silly exploitation film. But if you actually sit down and watch it with an open mind, you will see something that is more weird student art film then anything else.

The Bloody Ape is another one of these great films. One paper, you have what is a loose retelling of Poe’s classic story, “Murders in the Rue Morgue.” Except instead of an orangutan in Paris, you have the titular gorilla raping and killing gorgeous Long Island beauties, with further bad taste ensuing. However, in reality, what you have is a film that is simultaneously a tribute to low budget horror cinema, ala Andy Milligan, and a statement on the dangers of human ignorance. How many films that center around a sex crazed killer ape are gonna have nuance of any stripe?

Shower surprise!

The story is simple enough. You have Paul Richichi as Lampini, your standard sleazy yet charismatic carnival magician whose big ticket is his prized ape. Lampini’s life revolves around his bleached blonde fiancée, Ginger (Arlene Hansen) and his beloved ape. Life is good until Ginger breaks up with him, sending him off the edge, forcing him to utilize his simian sidekick as a tool of his wrath. But of course, man can never truly control nature and things quickly grow out of control.

The Crafty Lampini! (Paul Richichi)

All the while, Duane (Christopher Hoskins), a really nice, young man black man ends up on the receiving end of some ugly racism via one auto mechanic mook, Vic (Larry Koster.) But his day soon goes from bad to worse, when he ends up being accused of murder via the amazingly mentally regressive Lieutenant LoBianco (George Reis). And now the race is on. Will the police wise up to the real killer? Will Lampini have a change of heart? Will the ape stop sexually assaulting voluptuous Northern vixens?

One of the best things about The Bloody Ape is that it is completely unique. While there are definite influences from other horror films, ranging from Romero’s groundbreaker Night of the Living Dead to the infamous Bigfoot flick, Night of the Demon, it is still very much its own creature.

You have some great, schocky gore, including a penis being ripped off from an acid fried hippie. Since turnabout is fair play, a woman’s breasts also get torn off for good measure. There’s amazing carnival footage, complete with colored lights, spinning rides, and shady gentlemen offering crappy stuffed animals and bikini girl photos for prizes. The only thing missing is the half sauced guy running the Ferris Wheel in the Rossington Collins tee shirt, giving soul dirt to every 17-year-old girl within a 2-mile radius.

Don't you miss this?

Of course, there’s plenty of nudity and bad taste shenanigans to make any sleaze horror enthusiast happy. But there is meat underneath the blood and the racism subplot works very well, never veering off into a “very special after school special” episode territory. Part of the reason for that is that it is never ham fisted but instead more an accurate depiction of people using their bigotry as a crutch against having to evolve. Evolution is a mighty scary thing to the small minded and open communication, which is one of the best combatants against ignorance, is not to be tolerated. In fact, even when stereotypes are used in the film, it is more of a form of cheeky subversiveness. Which in the age of political correctness, is needed more than ever. Remember kids, if something makes you think, even if you don’t like it, then it had done its job.

The actors are a lot of fun and appropriately cast. Hoskins is likable and understated as poor Duane. He’s a great contrast to say the almost cartoonishly broad Reis as the Cracked magazine reading, infantile-like thinking Lobianco. Outfitted with a comic book style goatee and a baby face, Reis was the perfect choice for such a buffoonish character. Then there’s Paul Richichi as Lampini, who is fantastic. Director Crocker has referred to Richichi as his “Joe Dallesandro,” which is fitting since he has such an unusual and organic screen presence. Not to mention the absolute relish he has with his role is so entertaining. If anyone deserves a documentary, it is Richichi. Especially after hearing the commentary. (More on that in a minute.)

LoBianco (George Reis) smirks in the face of logic

The rest of the cast are equally fun, including Larry Koster as the most offensive car mechanic in film history who is straight outta Mooksville, Arlene Hansen as the beautiful and ballsy Ginger, and the mysterious Salvatore Finkel as the Rabbi Rabinowetz. Never has the combo of a strap on beard and boxer shorts been more beautifully used. Just like peanut butter and chocolate!

Like any film worth its salt, The Bloody Ape is probably not for everyone. Then again if you are either easily offended or don’t care for low budget horror in general, why would you pick up a film about a horny killer ape?

Wild Eye Releasing has done a beautiful job with this DVD, especially with the extras. In addition to an entertaining little documentary, there’s a fantastic and funny commentary track featuring director Crocker, cast members Paul Richichi, George Reis, and writer/movie guru Rob Hauschild. This track should be a textbook example of how to do an informative track that is nice to listen to. Plus you get one of Crocker’s early shorts, One Grave Too Many, which is a great little gothic appetizer.

The Bloody Ape is the type of horror film I’m a sucker for. There’s enough grue, nudity, and luridness to appeal to my inner Beavis (and yes, my inner child is Beavis) but there is enough layer and substance to reach my serious, cineaste side. It’s a rough-hewn gem that is very much worth checking out.

It's not often one gets to do something they love career wise and it is even more rare to get to share such a thing with some amazing people. I was lucky enough to experience both with the latest issue of Ultra Violent magazine, numero 10! I've been writing for UV off and on for over three years now and it has always been a total joy. But not only are they nice, they also have a staff of great writers too! Plus where else are you going to read interviews with such folks as cinematic godhead Alejandro Jodorowsky, Manson documentarian Robert Hendrickson, articles about Turkish Exploitation, and more great reviews you can shake a stick at.

Not to mention, my interview and article with "Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69" director Keith Crocker, which was a blast to do by the way. In fact, the whole gang at Wild Eye Cinema deserve some major kudos for being so easy and fun to work with. I do want to give a special personal thanks to fellow UV writer Kate Hutchinson, since she played a major part in me doing this piece. (By the way, you would be depriving yourself some fun if you did not check out her uber-amazing blog, http://tenebrouskate.blogspot.com/)

So if you're looking for a magazine that has great writing and covers the classics of extreme cinema as well as the new films, then feel free to check out the latest Ultra Violent!

http://www.myspace.com/uvmagazine

Music Video of the Week: Norm Norman "You're a Zombie"

One of the things I loathe is when people try to write off a decade’s music with a handful of songs. Now there is dreck in every decade, but where there is shit, there is bound to be gold and the 1980’s were no different. I actually had an ex-friend once say to me, in a snotty tone no less, “You only listen to 80’s music.” You could practically hear the sneer over the phone and to her, what was 80’s music? Mostly stuff I didn’t listen to! (i.e. 80% of the stuff on any “Big Hits of the ‘80’s! Time Life compilation.) Not to mention I love music from all decades, whether it’s 1920’s jazz, 1960’s surf music, or 70’s glam. Hell I love klezmer music for crying out loud!

My point is that you should never write off any time period, because there is bound to be a lot of hidden gems. One of my personal favorites is “You’re a Zombie” by Norm Norman. While his discography is literally just an EP from 1983, what an EP! Norman was a West Coat artist whose music was quirky and catchy. We’re talking power pop with an attitude. It’s a real shame that there is not more material because what little he did do was great. It was certainly better than half of the crap that was playing on MTV at the time. (Kids, don’t be nostalgic for MTV. Sure it was better then than now, but realistically, it still wasn’t that great. How many times did you get to see bands like Swans, the Bolshoi, or Motorhead on there versus Bon Jovi, Firehouse, or Rick Astley? Exactly.)

Unfortunately, I could not find a whole lot of information about him, but I do know this. “You’re a Zombie” is a great song that should have been a huge hit and the video? Is awesome and features famed actor Billy Barty as the insolent butler. Also keep your eyes peeled out for Safari Man and his silly dance of the constipation blues!

Enjoy!

Number with Wings

The corruption of innocence and the headiness of human desperation are the two striking themes that are handled beautifully in The Bongo’s song “Number with Wings.” And for once, the music video perfectly fits the song as well, thanks to some great candy colored lighting, sinister characters, a mysterious glowing box, and apt direction by Juliano Waldman.

Now I have always been a huge sucker for neon light, especially when it is used for darker purposes and this video is the perfect example of that. While it is very similar in design to the video for Klaus Nomi’s “Falling in Love Again,” tonally it is completely different to the sexually charged, confectionary world created in the Nomi video.

I spy
I see through everything
but I know
I don’t know anything
and on cold nights
my soul is like anyone’s
and on slow nights
I’d forgive anyone

Lyrically the song has a beautifully cryptic and sad desperation to it that really makes it unique. It helps that the Bongos were talented musically, with the song’s stark baseline, steady drum, great guitar work, and Richard Barone’s young sounding voice that pleads the chorus. Everyone has felt the gut-stab of loneliness and there is nothing worse than the loneliness of the heart and the loins. (The two do go hand in hand more than anyone would care to admit in their darkest hour.)

The video is something else. Desperation morphs into weird thrills (a creepy schoolteacher gleefully spanking a young boy, a beautiful woman seducing herself with a teddy bear), voyeurism (repeated images of Barone and the rest of the band looking through a window, their faces often anguished, the adolescent boy and girl all too merrily looking inside the box displaying psycho-sexual sights), and the innocent trying to figure out things in a world full of adults with bad intent. The only non-creepy adults in this universe is the band, clad in black robes, looking like a cross between lost citizens and a cult group. (Which is funny since The Bongos are a cult group. Get it? Yes even I can be a slave to the pun!)

All in all, this is a fantastic song and video that did not get enough love when it was initially released, back around 1983. Anyone who dares to mock the early days of video needs to sit their uneducated asses in front of their computer screen and watch “Number with Wings.” Enjoy ladies and gents!

The Last Horror Film aka The Fanatic

The original cover art and title. Which is far better than Troma's ass-baby
pastiche of a cover.

To get this blog properly started, I can’t think of anything better than some Joe Spinell, neon lights, Euro-babes in spandex, and some of the cheesiest music this side of Franco’s “Faceless.” Of course, I am talking about David Winters fun but flawed “The Last Horror Film” aka “The Fanatic.”

When I originally did this review back in ’04, I had just watched this movie for the first time. I’m not sure if I had totally digested it because it is a weird mix of middling plot and filmmaking and rampant awesomeness. Even if you loathe it, there is nothing quite like “The Last Horror Film.” It’s far from perfect but Spinell alone makes is required viewing. Not to take anything away from Winters, but it is no surprise that all the surreal creative touches were courtesy of Spinell. (Eerily mirroring William Lustig’s “Maniac,” where all the great nighttime shots of Frank Zito staring at the mannequins were due to Spinell literally taking the camera himself with his assistant and filming those scenes.)

Nowadays, I count this as a one of my big favorites, flaws and all. Dammit, you have Joe Spinell crying, masturbating, dressing like a Pete Shelley pimp, menacing women with broken battles, in lingerie drag, and looking like a sweaty, tattooed Dracula. Awesome! If none of this appeals to you, then I pity for your poor un-nurtured soul.

Enjoy!


“A Pimp in Madman’s Clothing”: A Review of “The Fanatic” By Heather Drain

Big breasts, gory murders, heavy breathing psychos, goofy new wave music; these are all key ingredients of an early 80’s Slasher film. It was a period of time that was overripe with films dealing with all sorts of killers with various implements in their hobby of grue. So for a film to stand out from the pack, it would have to be pretty special. “The Fanatic” aka “The Last Horror Film” (1982) manages to somehow achieve this. Sort of. Let’s explore.

Joe Spinell is the man! Can you look this cool?

“The Fanatic” opens up with a pair of well-toned legs, clad in super high heels walking in the middle of the night. Quickly, the camera moves up to show the owner of the nice gams, a beautiful blonde whom immediately disrobes, possibly proving the existence of breast implants in the early 80’s. While she begins to sway and coo in the water, a faceless man with sinister purpose starts to covertly inch an open electrical wire towards the bubbling water. Soon the two make contact and our blonde has shuffled off this mortal coil. The End! Cut to a very sweaty, heavy breathing mustachioed man in the audience, apparently masturbating! (Ew!) The lights come up and he zips up. The scary thing is that you just know it is only going to get more sleazy, for better and worse.

The great thing about this intro is that as crude as it is, it does lure you into staying to see what the rest of the film has in store. In less than two minutes, we have a breasty topless blonde in a hot tub, a semi-gruesome murder by an anonymous man clad in shiny boxer shorts, and public masturbation. Most films can’t claim that kind of lurid entertainment in their whole running time! Yet in “The Fanatic,” it is all right there in front of you.

Despite the exploitative elements, there are some really nice visual touches sprinkled throughout this segment. The most vivid example is the use of a neon-candy colored lighting scheme that is very reminiscent of all those great Italian horror filmmakers, such as Mario Bava. In fact, throughout the entire film, the lighting is very good and adds a little bit of artiness to what essentially is, a potboiler horror movie.

Unfortunately, the rest of the film doesn’t quite live up to this pre-credits sequence, which in some ways, maybe a good thing. There is only so much gratuitous nudity, creepy self-loving, and shiny boxers one can take before having their brain physically explode. Anyways, we move on to a really well made title sequence that shows an editor working on a horror film, all set to “Photographic” by Depeche Mode. Enjoy this fun bit of good pop music, because the music will soon take a hellish detour into the land of fromage.

Vinnie has "unusual" directing techniques.

On to the plot! We soon learn that our public masturbator is one Vinnie Durand (Joe Spinell), a New York taxi driver who lives with his overly doting Italian momma and is obsessed with film. The main focus of his cinematic dreams is scream queen, Jana Bates (Carolyn Munro). To help him get through the drudgery of everyday life, he lives partially in a fantasy world where he is this glamorous film director, with his leading lady, Jana, is all vamped out and throwing him awards.

The lovely Caroline Munro. You know you're pretty when you get away with wearing this!

Despite the lack of support from his mother and friends, Vinnie decides to take some action for his dreams and heads off to the Cannes Film Festival. At this point, two things are immediately apparent in the film. First of all, the music has switched from the fun kind of cheesy to the wanting to slowly drill out your eardrums with a salted coat hanger kind of cheesy. With a little research, I found out why the soundtrack is so bad. One of the main musicians behind the music in “The Fanatic” is one Jesse Frederick. The same man who was behind the uber-annoying and soul-stealingly catchy theme songs to the family TV shows “Step by Step” and “Full House.” The Bob Saget connection alone should tell you that the forces of evil are at work. The second thing is that no matter how you dress him up, Joe Spinell always looks kind of like a pimp. Okay, not so much in everyday clothes, but as soon as we get a glimpse of Vinnie’s fantasy alter ego, the pimpitude comes full swing. Granted, you put anyone in a white suit with a cape, then chances are, they are going to look a little like a pimp. But when you put Joe Spinell into these duds, it turns into this bizarre combination of superpimp and Phantom of the Opera.

The critics waxing poetic over Jana's latest film, "Stab."

Anyways, I digress. After a tearful and surprisingly touching goodbye with his mom, he leaves. All this leads up to a montage of various sights and movie posters from the 1981 Cannes Film Festival, including a shot of an advertisement for Andrzej Zulawski’s “Possession.” (1981) In addition to this bit of real life footage, a radio broadcast is featured, mentioning the incident where John Hinckley’s attempted to kill then President Ronald Reagan, all to impress actress Jodie Foster.

Subtle? No, but a cool little effective touch nonetheless.

Obviously, we are being set up to equate Hinckley and Foster with Vinnie and Jana, which was a pretty daring move considering it hadn’t even been a full year after the fact.

After that there are more shots of various underdressed ladies, sleazy Euro and American business types, all palling around and going to various glittery discos. We meet Jana, her current love Alan Cunningham (Judd Hamilton), her ex husband director Bret Bates (Glen Jacobson) and fellow film associate Stanley Kline (director David Winters). Soon Jana receives a vaguely threatening note that says, “You’ve made your last horror film. Goodbye.” Alan gets the same note, but everyone shrugs it off and goes about their business. Even when Jana happens upon the headless (!) body of her ex, it is a matter that is treated like a minor inconvenience. Apparently her former flame and current director had a history of crazy stunts. It doesn’t help matters that by the time the authorities arrive, the body is missing.

Yes that is a cupcake between two large breasts. I think it's supposed to symbolize Vinnie's struggle with....fuck it. If you were a director that could con chesty women to disrobe and have food splattered in between their cleavage, you would do the same thing. Perv.

Meanwhile, poor Vinnie can’t seem to get a break. No one worthwhile will listen to his plans, he gets taunted by mean, topless Euro-beach bunnies, and his constant phone calls to his mom usually result in him telling her elaborate lies, while shouting and crying. Even worse, Vinnie’s low self-esteem eventually breaks into his fantasy world, resulting in his dream cast and crew and even his snazzily attired doppelganger all laughing at him.

Masturbation made arty...and awesome.

Just as we are building up sympathy for our sad, if still creepy protagonist, two things happen that re-introduce the “ick” factor. We have another masturbation scene with Spinell caressing his bare chest in front of a projected image of Jana. Then, we have him at a strip club watching a fairly classy (ie. no lap dancing) stripper.

You cannot have this.

Which would be fine except that interspliced throughout this scene is Vinnie’s fantasy sequence of himself as a stripper. As disturbing as it is seeing Vinnie in tight black undies and bra gyrating, this scene surprisingly does have a really nice, arty quality to it. Unlike the other fantasy sequences, it is in black and white and his make-up is more surreal than traditionally feminine. If you took it out of the context of the film, it would look like a snippet from an experimental short. A disturbing, experimental short film.

Spinell is the man and deserved an Oscar for having huevos of steel.

Vinnie ends up freaking out and starts to grope the stripper, calling her “Jana” as the clubs bouncers throw him out. From there on, the film spirals downward. Vinnie finally gets to meet Jana, but as one could surmise, it doesn’t quite go as planned. Then the film culminates in not one, but two twist endings. The first one could be seen from fifty miles away. The second one, not so much, but by then, it feels almost like an afterthought.

Joe runs while some Richard Barbieri looking dude stands in his way.

So for a film that has so much going for it, why isn’t an instant classic? First of all, the quality of the direction drastically ranges throughout. Certain segments, such as the aforementioned introduction and most of the Vinnie scenes are very capable and done with a bit of flair. Yet, since Vinnie/Joe Spinell is the real heart and center of this film, things tend to really drag whenever the focus is off of him.

Painted nails and tattoos. Spinell as Dracula.

This has less to do with the quality of the other actors and more to do with the script, which at times, reads like a first draft. There are some good ideas and images sprinkled throughout, but it isn’t enough to make up for the filler. The Euro-disco scenes alone drag on for way too long. There are only so many shots of sleazy producers hitting on glossy lipped models to crappy dance music before you start longing for scenes of Vinnie breathing heavy and crying to his ma. Another problem is that everyone aside from Vinnie, and to a lesser degree, his mother and Jana, are dreadfully boring. Film characters don’t necessarily have to be sympathetic or empathetic to work. But they do have to be interesting for the film as a whole to work. You can have the best plot in the world but if your characters and actors are bland, then the project is practically doomed.Despite the fact “The Fanatic” is a very flawed film, it does boast a handful of intriguing people in front and behind the camera. Naturally, the most obvious person associated with this film is Joe Spinell and with very good reason.

His Vinnie Durand is equally repellent and sympathetic. Here is a character that lives for his dreams and the daunting reality that they might go on unrealized is too much. This is something that a lot of us can relate to, albeit in a saner and less grand scale. While he is someone you would try to avoid crossing paths with in real life, Spinell at least makes Vinnie a human character. Now Joe Spinell the actor was an established character actor who has such great cinematic works on his resume like “Rocky,” (1976) “The Ninth Configuration” (1980) and my personal favorite, the great cult musical “The Forbidden Zone.” (1980) Like any character actor worth his salt, he really goes full out here, whether he is sobbing, fantasizing, masturbating, and dancing. In many ways, this is truly a balls out performance. (Metaphorically speaking. If it was literal, I would be scrubbing the dirt off of my soul with a steel scrubby right now.)

Then there’s Caroline Munro as the gorgeous and surprisingly resilient Jana Bates. While her role is pretty flimsy, Munro makes the best of it and shines as best as she can. (Trivia note: Judging by the blonde streaks in her hair, this film was made around the same time as Adam Ant’s “Goody Two Shoes” music video.) In a bizarre twist, there are not one but two brief pseudo-celeb appearances. In the press conference scene, not only can you spot pre-Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous Robin Leach (!) but also June Chadwick, who is best known for her role as Jeanine in “This is Spinal Tap.”(1984)

June Chadwick NOT looking like an Australian's Nightmare.

Behind the scenes, there is director David Winters whose career has been as wildly varied as this film. On one hand, he was the man behind Alice Cooper’s classic TV special, “Welcome to my Nightmare.” (1975) Yet, he was also behind the hilariously bad Cameron Mitchell epic, “Space Mutiny.” (1988)

One thing you have to give Winters some credit for is the constant blurring of reality and fantasy that occurs within the film. For example, the actress who plays Vinnie’s mother, Filomena Spagnuolo, was Joe Spinell’s real life mother. In fact, she had made a decent career as finding work as a film extra and even helped her son get his feet wet in the business. Then you have Vinnie as a taxi driver, a profession Mr. Spinell once had during his starving actor days. The actor that plays Jana’s beau, Judd Hamilton, was at one time, Caroline Munro’s real life husband. Of course, there are the constant references to the Cannes Film Festival and Hinckley’s assassination attempt. (The big difference with the former, is that it is very unlikely that a real Cannes jury would have picked Jana Bates in “Scream” over Meryl Streep in “The French Lieutenant’s Woman” (1981). Then again, did Streep have her head set on fire at the end of her movie? I think not!)

I won’t ponder about what brand of crack Winters and his producers were smoking when they decided on the soundtrack for this film. A continuous loop of Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” would have been infinitely more preferable then the Night Ranger meets “Full House” score. Not counting the great opening song of Depeche Mode’s “Photographic.”

Despite those misgivings, “The Fanatic” is a really entertaining film and has enough good with the bad to keep the viewer’s finger away from the “eject” button. It is currently available on DVD through Troma. While the extras are slim pickings, the extremely low price makes it worth it. For under ten dollars, it is definitely a must have for any sleazy horror film fan and Joe Spinell/Caroline Munro/Jesse Frederick buff.

Joe and his Mom, Mary. They are both missed.