Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Comic Book Heroes & Movie Dreams

I've always had a weird relationship with comic books. The only one I ever cared about when I was little was this issue of Ren & Stimpy, since I was completely obsessed with the show. (To this day, I still refer to Ren Hoek as one of my totem animals and a have a weakness for shivery little dogs with bad attitudes. Oh, and Billy West.) As I got into my late teens, I discovered Neil Gaiman's “Sandman” comics, thanks to some hip friends, and really enjoyed that. My college years were littered with interests in the old underground comics (including landing a repro of an old issue of “Zapp”), the uber-fantastic Dame Darcy and Daniel Clowes. (Again, the last two all thanks to having some friends with good taste.) At one point, I even worked at a comic book store, were I was more immersed in the world of superheroes and skin-tight suits than, say, the alt-comics of “Love & Rockets” and Jhonen Vasquez.

The job, due to non-comic book reasons, was horrible, but it was interesting to get a close up view of the culture around it. It was a mixture of stereotypes (right down to guys who didn't know how to react to me due to the whole being a girl-thing) to smart, pseudo-punk rock types. (Including one guy that tried to best my knowledge about Glen Matlock. It didn't go well....for him.) Jeweled-toned covers featuring jocular uber-mensch and tiny waisted heroines with breasts that would make Russ Meyer faint soon became a part of my daily periphery. This surreal world was something that would become more of my life later on, as I became friends with people that were huge comics fans, including one of my best friends, an ex-boyfriend and my husband, Chuck, who has been into comics off and on for years and years. (Naturally, he has the best taste of them all!)

With all of that, I'm still not a huge fan of the superhero comic world. It's nothing personal and in fact, I would liken it to the band Tool. I respect them, completely understand the appeal but I am not personally wooed. I don't mind it being in my presence but do not be offended if I am secretly pining for some Hernandez Brothers and Peter Murphy on the stereo. There are, of course, exceptions and I'm a firm believer in not shutting yourself off to one genre or the other. You never know what you will miss. For example, I love “Watchmen” more than Chuck Berry loves traumatizing groupies and in fact, would easily put the film version in my top 10 favorites list. Alan Moore is a genius and not only that, he's my favorite kind of genius--the cranky type.

Now with all of the hype and hoopla surrounding the 2012 film, “The Avengers,” I think it is high time for me to pitch out to the world my own personal superhero film. We are talking a film so cataclysmic in its assemblage, so epic in scale that it will make tires explode and noses bleed. So here it is, my veritable dream-team of superheroes. Plot? It's not important since with a cast like this, all you need to do is simply bask in the brilliance and watch the screen crack and sizzle.

Without further ado...

  1. Commander USA. 

 2. Rorschach & The Comedian


4. Jon Mikl Thor (aka the only TRUE Thor)

5.Captain Invincible

6. Captain Berlin

7. Vlad the Impaler

8. Lemmy

9. Dali

 10. William Howard Taft

Looking at that list, it looks a bit like “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” meets cirrhosis of the brain. Well, to quote that old chestnut....I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than have to have a frontal lobotomy. Sure, the resulting film might be technically horrible, but it would be so captivatingly bad that it becomes brilliant. Let this stew as you go pay for overpriced popcorn and sit through 80 commercials just to get to the trailers. 

Copyright 2012 Heather Drain

1 comment:

  1. Taft? Did you mean Shaft? Didn't they have to install a special bathtub in the White House?