Seltsame Soda !

Spring is here and we have another installment in the "long awaited" series of weird soda reviews. Your mouth is dry so let it be moistened with the cola flavored brew from the Sprecher Brewing company. Tonight's unique soda is the wonderfully titled Puma Kola. Enjoy!

Puma Kola

Description: An all natural “gourmet soda” that is fire-brewed in a gas-fueled kettle for “distinctive flavor and character.” A semi-healthy alternative to mainstream colas featuring a cute yet surprised looking black puma with big fangs. Yes and you too dear drinker will be surprised by the weird jungle bite of this drink.

Fun Facts: This soda features kola extract, real vanilla, pure honey, yucca extract and a pinch of cinnamon. Unfortunately it also has high fructose corn syrup, which is known, around these parts as giving you “el grande liver.” That said yucca extract is reputed to have some health benefits ranging from hair growth to relieving sore muscles. Who knew?

The Gist: Fancypants soda that offers you better ingredients than your average soda.

The Smell: Like a sweet but oh so slightly medicinal version of Coke.

The Taste: The initial reaction is cola but that is immediately followed by a partially potent sweet aftertaste. But it’s a thick kind of sweet, not unlike you get with artificial sweeteners though thankfully not as foul.

Overall: It’s all right and gets the job done if you are looking for a cola with a slight bite to it. Honestly, I didn’t care for the aftertaste and if I were going to go the Fructose route I would rather have a bottle of Bawls or a good old-fashioned coke.

2 ½ Worried looking Pumas out of 5

Open the New Year with a can of Whoop Ass!

Life can be a beautiful thing, especially when one can utter the phrase "opening a can of Whoop Ass" and mean it literally. Yes, in addition to covering fringe cinema and often overlooked music, I occasionally have dipped my toes in the fructose waters of strange soda reviews. So what better way to get things started then with the Jones soda product, Whoop Ass.





Description: An energy drink that features Taurine, Royal Jelly and the sinister sounding Inositol. (Sounds like something that gives you anal bleeding and sexual dysfunction, doesn’t?)

Also features a pretty kicky label design that is anime-esque, minus the 12-year-old girls being assaulted by lurid tentacles.


Fun Fact: Taurine is an amino acid like compound that helps absorb fat. It also has been related to congestive heart failure. Good times.

Royal jelly has been used to treat such ailments as asthma and Inositol has been connected to war crimes in the past 20th century. Fun fun!


The Gist: Apparently revitalizes attitude and Restores faith in mankind.


The Taste: Different.

The first second, it is almost sweet but then features the classic bitterness of energy drinks, which tends to taste like a combo of citric acid and a fairly potent cough drop. That said, Whoop Ass is a little more punchy and soda-like than say, Red Bull or that Sobe black can crap. The more I drink it, the more it reminds me of an alcoholic version of the bastard child of Fresca, Zima and an old Halls mint. Not that I have tried such a cocktail. No siree.


Overall: A tad bit disappointing, given the cool name and all. But it does feature a great design and has a nice energy kick, even for a hardened caffeine fiend like myself. While my attitude isn’t revitalized and my faith in humanity is still fairly shaky, I probably won’t sleep until four in the morning. Yay Whoop ass!



Rating: Three Caffeine-Induced Bouts of Insomnia out of Five


By the way, for the culinary curious out there, Whoop Ass is still in print and can be bought off the Jones Soda website.